Er...... Xmas

By the time you’re in your 60s, 70s and 80s you’ve done a fair number of Christmases and you probably know what you like and dislike. You might even be a bit weary of it all. I’ve been thinking about this – what Christmas means as I get older – and wondering if it could be different.

Checking in with friends, I note that many are joining their grown-up families over Christmas. Others are taking Christmas to their own 90-plus parents. Many are splitting themselves between offspring and many are cancelling everything because of Covid. Those still working are as time-poor as they ever were and plan to sink into a coma over Christmas. My overall impression is that older people are fitting in around others rather than being at the centre of things. (I know of one exception to this where three 40-plus children, their partners and grandchildren are descending on the aged parents but in this case it is the older people who have both the spare bedrooms and the spare energy.)

Taking my own Christmas history as a starting point….

I would keep the lights and the present-giving. Lights in the street, lights in and on people’s houses and the totally over-the-top film-set adornments in some villages and streets. I like buying presents and cards and thinking about other people. I like the general bonhomie, excitement of children, conviviality in the dark streets of a British December. I enjoy making Christmas puddings and devising an end-of-year quiz; I very much like hearing from people I don’t see often enough.

Sometimes on my own at Christmas, I have been happy with a glorious midnight mass in some church I don’t know, waking up to presents, coffee and toast in bed followed by a long country walk involving squirrels and deer, returning to music and wine, phone and virtual calls from friends and family and finishing off with chocolate in front of the TV.

Making it different

So, thinking about what changes I would make, I am going to make my overall aim joy and communality for everyone. My revamped Christmas would be a slow-burn of a couple of months of get-togethers with friends, family, work mates, neighbours. This, by default, is what it already is for many people. Taking in the whole of November and December would have the added benefit of including Jewish, Hindu and Sikh festivals at the same time.

At the heart of it there would be a three-day event over the 25th December but with a clear purpose to each of the days.

Day One would be community-spirit: a town football match; ‘Strictly’ dance-offs in the square or the park; carols in the High Street; the lighting up of a town Christmas tree; shared time eating and drinking together in the local pubs and cafes; a theatrical or musical performance for the neighbourhood; a non-commercial Father Christmas handing out presents to all children; religious services for worshippers and a secular ‘service’ where people decorated a hall, brought gifts, wished each other well, listened to music and meaningful stories, and had punch and mince-pies afterwards.

Day Two would be ascetic: a fast day for adults; solo or quiet activities like painting, writing, reading or walking; cleaning the house; putting bags of toys or bags of food together for giving to others or recycling; taking children to see something beautiful, religious or secular; meditation and contemplation; visiting the lost, lonely, sick or needy; placing flowers on the graves of loved ones; being with the natural world.

Day Three would be closeness with your chosen ones: the traditional Xmas meal; expressions of love through giving presents or pay-it-forward jobs; eating, drinking and sleeping through background music, classic films, children’s play time, silly games and silly clothes. I would resurrect the old custom of children putting on a play for the adults.

In terms of the side to Christmas that has any meaning for me, shopping and consumption has never been my thing. I don’t think it appeals to a lot of people and I don’t imagine the Biblical Jesus would have been keen on it either. If I were orchestrating a Christmas service it would be more secular, inclusive and casual. We might hire a community centre, place small presents in the hall for communal distribution, have music at the beginning and then invite anyone to get up and say how their year has been and wish each other well. Children would sit in the middle of the room and no-one would worry about their noise or fidgeting. We would end with another piece of music, the whole thing taking no more than an hour. No priests, no civic leaders, no organisation needed.

But if all this sounds unattractive, that may be to do with my character. Never the party girl, I could be exhibiting a touch of the envious outsider carping at the easily joyful, playful and gregarious personalities of others. In which case, ignore all of this and continue as before.

But if you’re at all like me, you might have had thoughts yourself about how you’d like Christmas to be different. Please let me know.

I have done my share of working with the homeless, joining in others’ family meals, holidaying abroad, ignoring Christmas altogether. And I thank all the people who have loved me enough to try and make Christmas as inclusive and happy for me as possible over the years.

Sometimes I have actively chosen to be on my own and, as others will have found, Covid is my friend in this respect. It has been good to know that I am by no means the only one rattling around alone in a house. In other years, being alone has felt like the best-worst option.

When I look back over 70-odd years of all those Christmases, I note the happiness of times just spent with friends. I have been fortunate to have lived in a commune where some of us didn’t go home to our families; more recently I have reprised this by spending Christmas with Australians on a beach or picnicking in a park in the December sunshine.

Actually, the meaning of Christmas is important to me: new birth, a home for everyone, wisdom from wherever it might come, light in the darkness.

I recently read an article in Saga magazine which described all the historical influences that have shaped the current Christmas festival. There were Druids and Romans, early Christians and Norsemen, Germans and Dutch, Victorian Brits and 20th century Americans, all of whom have taken part in shaping the way it is today. This gives me some heart – it is a changeable feast and one that can change again. If Covid and its lockdowns have done any good, it is that we’ve all had a chance to rethink how we do things. I’m not saying my ideas for Christmas are any better than anyone else’s, but I thought I would have a go at redesigning it.

Er…. Happy Christmas…