You think you're all right....

There’s a scene at the beginning of the 1990 film Ghost, in which Patrick Swayze gets up after being attacked in the street, looks around and sees his dead body with his partner crying over it.    When I fell flat on my face on the tarmac in July, I had no idea what had happened to me.  I looked back and realised that I must have tripped over a kerb.  Certainly not dead, but a bit surprised and a lot shaken up.  Reviewing that film (I’ve had weeks to reacquaint myself with old movies) there was something of the same perplexity.  How come I fell over whilst crossing the road?  I was  walking on ordinary pavements at an ordinary pace with no slipperiness underfoot, wearing trainers, feeling as fit as usual.  As it was, I dusted myself off, took a moment to breathe, registered the careful concern of my lovely daughter and the attention given by other pedestrians, and then continued walking.  More in caution than in pain, I turned up at an A & E department later that afternoon and found I had broken a wrist.  How on earth did that happen?    

I’ve now discovered that one in four adults over 65, and half of those over 80, have at least one fall a year.  One fall a year! Apparently we fall when we get older because we have 

• balance problems and muscle weakness

• vision loss

• dizziness due to low blood pressure and other health conditions

I didn’t think any of those things applied to me, but clearly they do.   I might have tripped over in the same way as a younger woman, but I think I would have been aware of falling and even righted myself.  This felt different because my brain didn’t catch up with my body until I was down on the ground. Definitely an old person’s fall.

I am not naturally superstitious, but I smile wryly at the thought of hubris.  I have perhaps considered myself a bit too healthy, a bit too age-defiant…  in the Greek myth, the gods decide that humans who act with too much pride and self-confidence need reminding of their mortality, and are taken down a peg or two. Hmmm…..  

Well they haven’t brought me down that much: it was my non-dominant wrist that broke.  A six week stint unable to drive has been the worst thing, and I am only just getting back to typing. Boring, boring, boring. The pain was hardly noticeable after the first week, and I have learnt to do most things with just one hand.  I had to ask visitors to 

• Squeeze or cut fruit

• Slice bread and vegetables

• Open jars

• Tie shoelaces

• Change bed linen

• Water plants

• Lift bin bags

• Do the ironing

All a bit humiliating, but not excruciatingly so….not at the bottom-wiping stage yet.  Thank you to everyone for being ordinary and just getting on with things.  I have also learnt to use the buses around here even though they take an hour to do a 20 minute journey.   I have learned that many vegetables do not need chopping as they come ready-chopped, frozen in bags from the supermarket.  I may never go back to chopping onions again. 

In the early days of the accident I have to say I was totally obsessed with myself, so big apologies to anyone who thought I might be interested in what they had to say.  I  told the story of the fall and the hospital waiting room, what the doctor said, probably a dozen times, getting the medical language right, looking up the prognosis - all incredibly interesting to myself. (Just like an old person who can’t wait to tell you about their aches and pains….) I noticed that my brain took a fall too.  Crossword clues I would normally have deciphered sat looking at me for days on end: I could only stare back blankly at them.  I read a light novel but couldn’t concentrate on any serious reading matter.  Is this also what happens - that the body’s physical decline produces some cognitive decline too?  I hope I have recovered in both directions now, but who knows. 

I did have thoughts along the lines of Is this the beginning of the end? but now that I’m almost back to normal, such thoughts have gone: a blip, temporary, nothing to worry about.   I guess that’s what everyone thinks.  There is such a thing as the Fourth Age: a time when older people become seriously fragile and need help with ordinary living.  Yes I can see that coming but, if this has taught me anything, it is that physical decline doesn’t necessarily come in the form you imagine. 

You think you’re all right….